It's been ages since i last posted, and I feel like so much has changed since then.

I've learnt so much more about myself, and matured quite a bit too in the process i hope.

Hue Hope II

I learnt to appreciate the things and the people around me so much more. The kids really gave me a life lesson I won't forget. I guess there are many things your observe and learn in life, but if no one gives you the opportunity to consolidate and present your thoughts in a digestable manner, many of these life lessons would just fly past us. I loved the sessions at night when we would sit back and reflect. Only when i voiced out my thoughts did i realize what a great impact many situations have had on my life. It's really hard to put it into words.

I learnt to appreciate my family so much more, and appreciate the life i have around me. I'm a really lucky person i guess. No trials or tribulations, not much to worry about other than school. My family is tight-knit and I know they'll always watch out for me. For so many others out there, they don't even communicate with their cousins, and they don't even visit during CNY. It's pretty sad.

Over the course of the trip, I also began to realize that i really disliked people with little or no initiative. It was my first revelation i guess. I never knew that my tolerance level would be so low. Hah. It's even more frustrating when it's menial labor and the guys are the ones slacking. At least they were nice and fun-loving i guess. Did really have quite a lot of fun laughing at the way they poked fun at each other. Despite their lack of initiative, they're a pretty fun & nice group of people. I don't regret getting to know any single individual. Probably with the exception of one.

FTB

I think it all began with FTB, when my people-skills were really put to the test. The people there were so different from people I've worked with in DHS. I really hated the feeling of being in-charge when the team dynamics were so wrong. I feel that it was really hard getting the progs people to work together the way i wanted them to, and I don't know if it was because of me or because of their personalities.

Thank goodness then, for friends that I could talk to and confide in. Really grateful for people that I've learnt so much from: KT, GY mostly. GY taught me that people have different working styles, and have different levels of tolerance. It doesn't mean that because I'm willing to clean the toilets, then others would willingly clean them too. It's not a "one for all and all for one" mentality that some others had, which is very unlike what we had in DHS. Applying what I've learnt from 7 habits (hah), i guess it was because I was self-centered. I did things not out of the goodness of my heart, and i expected gratification. I probably had the wrong mentality to began with, and therein lies the problem.

I also really respected KT's level of calmness in any event. He was steady as a rock and unfazed by anything. I really have a lot to learn. His calmness really helped me to calm down too. That's something i really respect in a leader. I thought i was somewhere there, but I now know that I have so much more to go, and for that, I'm grateful.

Exco

Honestly, I'm kinda caught in the middle whenever i wonder if I regret running for Exco. On the happy side, i really enjoy doing things like brainstorming for stuff for welfare. On the not so bright side, it's just shit work. Really shitty work. And the school's system is stupid. No consolidated assets list. If i didn't have help, I wouldn't know what to borrow from whom. And when i finally figure it out, it's time for handover. (?!) Absence of logic.

And then there's the issue of working with people (again). I really can't stand people who are not proactive. Then why the heck did you run to begin with? It's extremely tiring to work with people whom you have to constantly instruct. And like GY said, if the heart's not in it.. Maybe it's time to go. I don't know whats happening to the exco, but it's not what i envisioned, and it's getting worse. I'm worried about exchange and Beyond. Somehow i have the ominous feeling a lot of things are gonna be pushed to me, and that I'll have crazy lot of stuff to settle. Doesn't help knowing the fact that my window time for work is diminishing. Sigh. Combined with Dance Camp and Internship (which I have yet to find), I'm pretty worried.

"Being Happy"

Reading "Being Happy", I had one main takeaway. It opened my eyes to the poisonous people around me, and showed me how i was being a poisonous friend too. Bitching may be a good way to get conversation rolling, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really get you anywhere. Your friendship, if its based on bitching, wouldn't hold strong. I know that. But sometimes it's what people expect of me (i guess), since I've been such a terrible friend all along. It's hard to kick the habit. I know what I'm supposed / not supposed to do, but it really takes effort to put it into practice.

I also realized how poisonous some of my friends around me were. And it shocked me that quite a few were my good friends too. I realized like how horrible a person i was in the past. Trying to change for the better now, but it's really hard because I hate awkward silences, and I need to find topics that steer away from gossip.


Its 1:17am now, in the early hours of the Chinese New Year. Guess I'll just go crash because there's a lot of visiting to do tomorrow! Shall come here to rant again sometime.